Monday, April 23, 2012

Once Upon a Time (Part 5)

This morning, at the crack of 8:42 a.m., the scribe and the goodly wife lay in bed in their new castle and were only barely awake when the scribe's cell phone rang.  He answered it and the voice he heard upon saying hello asked for him by name.  "This is him," the scribe said.  And then, after seven long of ass weeks of waiting, the voice on the other end introduced himself as a a supervisor from the Link of Sudden.  The scribe nearly dropped the phone in shock, for an actual call from the Link of Sudden was completely unexpected, especially since it had been well over a week since the last Link of Sudden employee he talked to had told him that she was supposed to tell him he would be called.  In no way did the scribe actually expect a call, though.

Nope, in the interim time, the scribe had written the Link of Sudden off as a probability. Oh, sure, if at some point months down the line someone from the Link of Sudden were to contact him and say he could at last have cable internet, he probably would take it.  But he had since made different plans.

After a bit of research, the scribe had learned that not only was his cell service with the Zon of Veri grandfathered in for unlimited data (a plan they no longer offer), but if he were to upgrade to a new phone with them he would not only be able to continue getting unlimited data but could also, for a reasonable fee, use said phone as both a tethered 3G internet connection and a wifi hotspot.  The cost of this feature on both his and the goodly wife's phones was less than he would pay for service through the Link of Sudden and FAR FAR less than he was paying with his AT-AT mifi card.  So he and the goodly wife had upgraded their phones, taken the AT-AT card back and were enjoying all the streaming Netflix that they wanted.  Furthermore, his new phone was the latest version of the Razr, which has a screen that's so big it's practically a pad device unto itself.  As far as he was concerned, the Link of Sudden could go soak their head (in a bag of dicks) because he no longer needed them.  Sure, it would be nice to have high speed internet once again of the type that would allow him to play Little Big Planet with his godchild in Mississippi, but cheap flat-rate internet was once again within his grasp.

The Link of Sudden employee on the phone explained that he was a supervisor with Link of Sudden and had received the scribe's case as an escalation.   (The previous LOS lackey had been made a liar after all!  Way to go, lackey!)  The supervisor was calling to find out what exactly the situation was to see what he could do about it.

"Well," the scribe began.  Then he paused.  His instinct was to punish the supervisor by making him sit through a point by point verbal recreation of the entire seven week saga, complete with reenactments of each of the times he had pointed out to the Link of Sudden that no one had called him.  Then, he decided against it.  Why hurt the guy who claimed to be trying to help?   Instead, the scribe said the paraphrased equivalent of "We bought this house, it used to have Link of Sudden cable, it can't get internet cause it's too far from the tie in, my neighbors 70 feet down the hill have a box for it in their yard, it only has two connections in it and both are full, the surveyor who came out said we might be able to tie into it but the equipment needs to be upgraded, I've been trying to get someone to call me weeks to find out if it can be."

The supervisor then said a very VERY telling sentence.  "Now, this is for 120 Arsenic Blvd in BORDERLAND, right?"

There was a pause as the scribe realized that despite the FACT that he'd explained, reexplained and REreexplained (which apparently you have to do because these people are more than a little RE-RE), each time he had called the LOS, over the course of seven weeks, the FACT that they had relocated from Borderland to Tri-Metro and that the house they had been trying to get service for was, in point of FACT, the one in Tri-Metro, the LOS still hadn't grasped that FACT and were trying to get him internet service for THE ONE HOUSE OUT OF THE TWO THAT ALREADY HAD EFFING SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!

"No.  No it is not," the scribe said.  "No, this is for 342 Snazzy View Drive in Tri-Metro."


"Yes.  Tri-Metro."

"Huh.  Well I work for the Borderland office. It got escalated to us," the guy said.  "Tell ya what.  I'm gonna forward this on to Tri-Metro's office.  The guy there is named Leon.  He will definitely call you back.  Are you going to be around at this number for the next little bit?"

"Sure," the scribe said.

"Cause he'll definitely call you back."

"That would be great," the scribe said.

That, of course, was over 14 hours ago.  Can you guess how many times the scribe's cell number has rung since?  He'll give you a hint.  It's less than one.

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