Monday, February 28, 2011

TFTLM: Got Them Soul Coughing Video Game Addict Blues (Part 3)

It took several more weeks, but with diligent work and treatment the wife eventually did get over her pneumonia. The first couple of weeks back at work, she had to stop and take breathing treatments throughout the day, but her strength was returning. Meanwhile, she was enjoying Elder Scrolls for the PC.

And as for my cold, I got over it, too. At least, mostly. The odd thing about that, though, is that while my major snot-based cold symptoms diminished, the hacking cough never quite went away. It wasn't a constant irritant, but at least once a day I would be hit by the same violent tickle in the back of my throat and would then be sent into a fit of dry hacking coughs that had little to no effect on alleviating the tickle. The only successful ways I found to combat the tickle were gargling with salt water (which only worked half the time), using a Neti pot (or "Drowny pot" as I call it) to irrigate my sinus passages, or sucking on a lozenge. Usually these coughing attacks would happen in the middle of the night. Meanwhile, the coughing was so violent that I began to feel like a Little Big Planet sack person whose stitches were coming loose--just to bring things back to video games.

Toward the end of December, I began asking Dr. Wife what was up with this. The trouble with having a doctor for a wife, though, is that by the time she comes home she's fed up with having to deal with sick people and doesn't want to hear it. Her typical response to any medical questions from me becomes something akin to "I don't know. What are you asking me for?" After the cough continued for another week and a half, though, she suddenly realized the answer.

"Ohhhh! You have an ace cough."

"Do whuuut?" I said.

Let me back up.

One of the major things that's happened to our family in recent months has been a change in position for my wife. After a smidge over two years working for the hospital-based family clinic that brought us to Borderland in the first place, my wife resigned her job there in order to take a position with a local urgent care clinic. It was a decision made with a good deal of consideration, because it meant leaving the patients she had come to know for the past two years. But the hospital clinic job had been stressful and life-consuming to a ridiculous degree from near the beginning and it was taking a real toll on her. When she first interviewed for the position, she had made it clear to her future employers that she was not willing to devote all waking hours to the job, spending all her time on call at the hospital and never getting to spend time at home. She told them that if that was the reality of the job, they needed to part ways then and there. She'd been assured by them, though, that this wasn't the case, her call time would be minimal and she'd have plenty of time off. However, these assurances proved to be wild underestimations. She had two nights of call per week, which meant having to round on patients she admitted during those nights until they were discharged. So two nights on call technically, but days of after hours rounding beyond that in most cases. Then she was asked to take on call duties with a local psych hospital for one night a week, which led to similar after hours time when the docs there were only too happy to turf their patients to her. The draw of a new job with fewer responsibilities, only 14 shifts per month, and better pay to boot was incredibly attractive.
And, having been on the job for nearly six months, she can attest that the new place is pretty much as amazing in reality as it was on paper. She still has a few late nights when they get busy and she has to go over charts afterward, but she's very happy and a lot less stressed out. In fact, when former coworkers and patients ask if she misses the old job, her answer is always "No-hohohoho!"

But I said all that to say this...

(TO BE CONTINUED...)

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

TFTLM: Got Them Soul Coughing Video Game Addict Blues (Part 2)

Bi-Lateral, or double pneumonia is not fun and the wife had already had it for a month by the time she decided to go to the hospital for it. Her illness had actually started as a nasty chest cold, which she had been gifted with in mid-October after a small and infected child sneezed directly into her eyes, nose and open mouth while she was examining the kid. She knew instantly that whatever bug this little Typhoid Mary was carrying would soon be flourishing in her system, and none of the preventative medicines she began downing had much effect on it. Within days, the wife was seized with coughing fits which continued to worsen.

I've written on the topic of coughing and my near irrational hatred of it during the chronicle of my old "Liberry" patron Johnny Hacker. However, no matter how much blind fury I usually allot to people coughing around me, you just can't get upset at your own poor, sick wife when she's wracked with such uncontrollable fits. So when our conversations were interrupted by sudden fits, or when the coughing drowned out something on TV, I would try my damndest to keep from seeming irritated and, instead, would just rewind and start over. After all, that's why God made DVRs. But after nearly three weeks of the coughing, with no end seemingly in sight, I had to ask, "Do you think you might have pneumonia?" She'd had very similar symptoms when she developed walking pneumonia back during her residency and a miserable couple of months that had been. She assured me it was only a cold, or the flu at worst. However, after having difficulty breathing at work, she had the lab run some tests and learned that she did indeed have pneumonia. She started on antibiotics and steroids at once, all designed to strengthen her system and help fight this off. And for a while, she seemed to get a little better, but not as much as expected. She'd try to get rest on her days off, but as soon as she returned to work it seemed to start getting worse again.

The wife survived the Thanksgiving holidays, for the most part. She was still coughing and wheezing and taking barrels full of meds, but I thought she kept a good game face. Then, at around 3 a.m. on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, she woke me up to tell me she thought she needed to go to the ER. I was terrified, because her personality doesn't usually allow for even complaining about being sick, and she'd rather take a bullet than go to the ER, so for her to actually say she needed to go to the hospital meant things were truly not right with her. We talked things over, then woke up my mother-in-law to spread the terror. She recommended we talk to Dr. Ralph, the wife's doctor and her former partner at her old clinic, to make sure he concurred. This seemed wise.

Dr. Ralph seemed to think what was needed was to step up her meds to some different anti-biotics, more steroids and some breathing treatments. And for a day this seemed to help. Then, during her first day back at work from the holiday, I got a call from her mid-day telling me to come pick her up, cause she couldn't breathe and needed to go to the ER after all.

I practically panicked over this and raced over to her clinic only to have to sit and wait for 45 minutes while she saw a couple more patients and waited for her replacement doc to arrive. It was maddening. There I was in full on Emergency Get Her to the Hospital mode and I was completely shut down by the hold-time.

The old adage that doctors make the worst patients is very true. Not that the wife was at all a bad patient in terms of behavior, she's just completely out of her element when it comes to having nurses and other doctors poking and prodding and running tests on her. They all agreed, though, that she needed at least a day in the hospital, with 24/7 steroid, antibiotic and breathing treatment sessions to get her back on a healthy track. She was in for two and a half days and then had nine days of mandatory rest at home afterward. Meanwhile, I managed to pick up a nasty cold just by being in the ER with her, so I too soon had symptoms to deal with, including an obnoxious, uncontrollable, hacking cough of my own, one remarkably similar to that of Johnny Hacker. Serves me right for making fun of his, I guess.

On about day two of her down time, her Robert Jordan book beginning to bore her, the wife began wondering aloud if we might ought to investigate buying some sort of video game console.

"I knew it! You're addicted to Fable III!" I exclaimed. Oh, glory be, this would be my revenge for all those times she threatened to hurl my Half-Life CD out of a moving vehicle.

"No," she said. "I'm just bored."

Trouble was, if I was going to buy a console, it wasn't going to be an XBox. I don't really have anything against it as a system, but Playstation 3's advantage for me is that I have more friends who own one and it's online component is free. Unfortunately, Fable III isn't made for PS3. So instead of seriously shopping for a gaming system, we popped by the local GameStop and asked them what PC games they had that were similar to Fable. They passed over Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion for PC. It was cheap enough, so we bought it and the wife spent a goodly chunk of her convalescence exploring the fantasy realms offered by it, the soothing tones of Patrick Stewart welcoming her into its embrace.

(TO BE CONTINUED...)

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Tales from the Lost Months: Got Them Soul Coughing Video Game Addict Blues (Part 1)

One of the questions asked of me before I jumpstarted this blog again was whether or not my 5 month absence was due to being addicted to World of Warcraft. My answer was "No," but with the caveat that there had been an increase in video game activity around Chez Juice.

As I've mentioned in a previous story here, back at Thanksgiving we had a WHOLE MESS of people at our place. For Thanksgiving day we had family, friends, inlaws, outlaws, and all but one of our five godchildren under our roof. In total, we housed eleven folks, beyond ourselves and had an absolute blast doing it. Most of the actual family part was on the wife's side, but I represented too by importing from Mississippi my buddy Joe, his wife Leigh Ann, his son Jonah and his brand new baby Rhys to join the fun. Between my wife, her mom, her sister, her sister's daughter and our niece Kayley taking turns, Joe and Leigh Ann hardly had to touch their baby the whole time.

Since the Borderland area isn't exactly an exciting place and the weather wasn't cooperating enough for us to travel to some of the more beautiful places in the area, and since no one in the family had any desire to do black Friday shopping, I had worried there would be too much downtime for folks with not enough to do. Ahead of time, I requested that Joe and my brother-in-law Jim bring their respective gaming consoles, which we set up on two different TVs. Joe is an avid PS3 guy, but Jim swears by the XBox 360. Leaving off one of the 1st gen Game Boys from the early `90s, I've not owned an honest to goodness gaming console since the Atari 2600, like 28 years ago. As you can see, I'm not a huge video game guy.

Don't get me wrong, I do like video games, but I tend to only play them on PC and not all that often. In 1999, the wife (then the fiance) bought me a copy of Half-Life for PC and then spent years regretting it. I played that game all the way through several times over before branching out into the spin-off sequels and generally loving the universe it set up. Unfortunately, by the time Half Life 2 and subsequent episodes were released, my computer had become just obsolete enough that it could only run the games for a few minutes before crashing. I eventually upgraded my video card (between Half Life 2 and Half Life 2 Episode 1), but the technology had jumped again so I was back in the crashing boat.

I enjoy console games as well, but have never had access to them long enough to get any good. I also have some childhood issues with arcade games, due to their requirement that you spend lots of money in order to get enough practice to become good at them. My allowance money tended to go toward comics, and any spare change my dad had I knew would be better spent on food for us all. So I eschewed video games for much of my life. I also tend to resist playing them even at the console level because I don't want to look like an idiot, mashing all the wrong buttons. It's not that there are too many buttons on modern controllers, either, as there are far more keys to press in PC games. It's just a coordination problem adapting to those buttons.

While Jim was here with his XBox, the wife decided she was going to have a go at it. She's even worse with modern controllers than I am, but she was determined to have some fun. She played a zombie shooter game for a bit, then Jim suggested she switch to Fable III, which is a fantasy RPG style game. She loved it and would have spent the day playing it except she had to put down the controller long enough to go help cook. By the end of the visit, Jim was threatening to leave his XBox with us. He argued that the XBox Kinect had just been released, so he was thinking about buying a new XBox/Kinect bundle. We might even have taken him up on the offer, except that my sister-in-law had already alerted us that she'd already bought the Kinect as Jim's Christmas gift, so we knew we couldn't borrow his system out from under him.

Then, barely a day after everyone left from our holiday gathering, two ugly things happened. A) The wife went into video game withdrawal; and B) she was hospitalized with a wicked case of bi-lateral pneumonia.

(TO BE CONTINUED...)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

TFTLM: Dishin' It Up 2.0 (Another Cautionary Tale) Part IV

After giving myself a while to cool down from my call to Dish Network Internationale, I manned up and phoned their number again. This time the American call centers were apparently awake, for I was connected to someone right away. Not only did they listen to my tale of woe, but they seemed concerned about it. They heard my final pleas for them to just send someone, ANYONE, from the actual Dish Network regional office to tell me what was really going on. Please, please, for the love of God, don't farm it out to sub-contractors again. I don't know if it was the frustration and desperation in my voice, or that they had a gander at just how long this ordeal had been going on in the notes, but they said they would help. The rep put me on hold long enough to call the local office themselves and then came back to let me know that someone would be phoning me within half an hour with news about my case.

Maybe, I thought, they would actually connect me with Dish Dude #2, the guy who'd given us the most hope about ever getting HD and local channels out of them. Did I dare hope to dream?

A half hour passed. Then three more hours passed and I’d still heard nothing from Dish. I wasn't really surprised that they hadn't called back when promised, as the national office had made promises of calls from the regional office before. I decided to call and remind them.

When I phoned Dish back, an odd thing happened. Normally, the automated voice at the beginning of the call quotes my own phone number to me and thanks me before cheerfully saying, "Oh, I see you are one of our best customers. Here. Let me connect you." This time, the auto-voice quoted to me the wrong phone number. It got the area code and the first three digits right, but said the last four were “0000.” I didn’t understand this, nor did I immediately realize the ramifications of it, for I was distracted by the soothing tones of being told I was one of their best customers.

I managed to keep my cool once a rep came on the line. But I did stress to the guy how frustrated I was at the situation, especially how irritating it was that I’d not been called back when I’d been told I would. The Dish rep seemed very skilled at dealing with end-of-their-rope customers. He had a look through the record, saw the failed visit that morning, the calls to India and the report that the local office was on the case. He said that according to what he could see, they were going to send someone out for a fourth opinion, though he wasn’t certain when exactly. He said he would send the local office another note asking them to call me ASAP. This at least seemed positive, so I hung up semi-appeased.

While I was out running errands that afternoon, the wife called me on my cell.

“Dish Network is here,” she said.

“Is it another sub-contractor?”

“No, he’s in a Dish truck,” she said. “He said he’s been trying to find our house for an hour, but couldn’t call us, cause our number’s disconnected.”

“What?”

“He’s been calling the wrong number, though,” she said. And then she repeated back the correct first six digits followed by “0000.”

I was instantly seething, realizing what had happened. Someone with access to our Dish Network account had zeroed out our phone number at some point during the day. It hadn't happened before that day, because every other installation tech up to and including Dish Dude #3 that morning had had no problems in calling ahead before they arrived. So the zeroing out had happened sometime between DD#3’s departure and that afternoon. Furthermore, my suspicion was that the zeroer was likely not a resident of the United States.

Now, despite my frustration with them, I really hadn’t been that bad with the Indian reps I’d spoken with earlier. Not by ugly American standards. I’d only raised my voice a little, but had never lost my temper with them, as I’ve been known to do with actual American DirecTV reps in the past. But my frustration with the situation had certainly been evident by not only my tone but also by the fact that I flat out told them I was very frustrated with the situation. Who knows? Maybe one of them was actually listening in when I thought I was on hold and had heard me whispering to the wife about being on the phone with EFFing India again. Perhaps they might have taken offense at that and made certain assumptions as to my character. One might see how this could have been perceived as mildly racist, when it was only mildly bigoted--and that bigotry specifically directed against Indian Call Centers and not the Indian people themselves.

I drove home to find Dish Dude #4 hard at work installing the new system. He was impressive before I'd even introduced myself in that he was at least a head taller than me and I suspected his use of the ladder was only one of formality.

"And... everything's going okay?" I asked him hesitantly. He said it was. "And the dish has line of sight?" I added. He said it did. It was a clear shot right from the edge of the roof. He didn't go so far as to bad mouth Dish Dudes #1 and #3, or anything, but it seemed clear from his manner who the superior installation techs were and what sort of vehicles they drove.

While Dish Dude #4 was still installing our system, I fired up the Dish website and confirmed that both our home phone and cell phone numbers had been zeroed out. This meant no one from Dish had been able to contact us that afternoon and Dish Dude #4 really REALLY had no chance at contacting us while driving around our neighborhood, looking for our unmarked cul-de-sac and barely marked house. According to what he told us when he'd finished the install, he’d eventually had to phone his supervisor, the much sought-after Dish Dude #2, to get directions on how to find us.

Once the dish was installed, the lines run to the house connector, the interior lines hooked to the TV and the satellite link established, DD#4 fired her up and, blammo, we had amazing-looking high definition TV complete with local channels. It was a thing of beauty. I nearly wept.

We felt so grateful to him for giving us what we had thought was probably impossible. We asked him if there was anyone we could call to let them know he did such a great job--a Dish Dude Attaboy Hotline, if you will. He just shrugged and humbly said, no. He was just doing his job. Then he walked into the sunset, his tools at his side, his tall form casting a long shadow behind him, safe in his role as one of Dish Network's Technician All Stars. Okay, that last sentence was bullshit, cause the house was blocking the sunset. But he did leave and we did think of him as a mighty servant of goodness and justice and high definition television.

Now, after a couple months of using the new Dish Network system, I can say it may be the single-most impressive piece of television technology I've ever owned. Whereas our old system, impressive though it was, allowed us 100 hours of recording time in its DVR, the new system has around 345 hours available--and thems HD hours! And we now have local channels! Which, after nine years without them, I still haven't gotten into a habit of watching much, but we have them. Including PBS! Now I can also not watch Masterpiece Theater and lots of educational programming that I've been failing to see. And the marriage between the Dish system and the new HD TV is a lasting and beautiful thing. If I gave a crap about sports, it would be the perfect vehicle to view them. And if I had a video game system it would...

...ohhhhhh, but that's a story for another time.

Reality Break: since starting this story, the middle east has done blowed up with protest and turmoil (at least more than usual). Don't know yet how it's all going to shake out, but we certainly live in strange and interesting times.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

TFTLM: Dishin' It Up 2.0 (Another Cautionary Tale) Part III

Our satellite service verbally assured and installation ordered, we were delighted when on Thursday we received a call from Dish Dude #3 asking for directions to our house. (Foreshadowing continues.) We gave him said directions and he arrived driving a civilian vehicle. (Red flag red flag!)

We led him to the spot on the roof where Dish Dude #2 had said we could have the dish installed, no problem. DD #3 had barely raised his doohickey to his eyes when he declared that the roof mount was impossible. Furthermore, upon a brief scouting mission, he declared that there were no other locations on the property that could work, save for the middle of the back yard. We inquired as to why DD#2, who was a field manager from Dish Network central, had declared the roof mount "an easy job," yet it was somehow now impossible? DD#3 continued to stress that he had no control over what anyone else said, but he was looking at it himself and the roof would not work. There was no point in him even attempting an installation, because he’d just have to take it all back down again when it failed.

"You know, I used to work for DirecTV," the man began. "Have you thought about sw--"

"No!!" we said in unison. "DirecTV screwed us over hard and we swore we'd never do business with them again."

Dish Dude #3 said he understood.

We asked if he minded if we called Dish Network central to see if they could put us in touch with Dish Dude #2 so we could determine who was correct. For all we knew, DD#2 had been wrong, and he was definitely in the minority opinion. However, the majority opinion came from two sub-contractors, who allegedly ran at the first sign of trouble. We really wanted DD#2 to be right.

Naturally, the Dish Network phone tree process was especially slow. Usually, it recites to you your own phone number, then gives you an option to talk to someone right away and then you do. Somehow, though, despite my doing things like I had during my other 50 calls to them over the past couple of weeks, the quick connection didn’t work. My guess is that it was too early in the morning for most of their stateside call center offices to be in full gear yet, because once I did get into a hold queue for a representative my call seemed to have been routed to one of their call centers in India. I know this, not only from the distinctly Indian hold music that played as I waited for five minutes, but also from the heavy Indian accent of the agent I eventually was able to speak with.

I’m conflicted on the subject of Indian call centers. I mean, I saw Slumdog Millionaire along with the rest of you and part of me likes the notion that the transfer of a goodly percentage of the call center industry to India provides work for a lot of people, some of whom desperately need it. However, I also think there are plenty of folks in this country who are in desperate need of work. Also, while Indian call centers are usually adequate for most basic transactions (setting up accounts, etc.), when it comes to more complicated matters, their ability to help, in my repeated experience, breaks down. All evidence I've personally seen shows that stateside representatives have a leg up over those in foreign nations when it comes to handling complicated issues such as the ones that tend to happen to me. Granted, I've not had any particularly awful experiences with Indian call centers, but I’ve also never had any outstanding ones.

For instance, a few years ago, in the calls I made to both Direct TV and Dish Network during the events of my first satellite TV debacle, I was routed to India for the initial phases of many of those calls. After several such encounters, I realized that the ground-level representatives had neither the know-how nor authority to help me with my complicated problem, except when it came to their ability to transfer me to someone who might have the necessary powers. (This is actually true of both stateside and Indian call centers, but I tended to get mostly Indian ones during that debacle.) I quickly reached a point where I would start my part of the conversation by explaining that I already knew my problem was beyond their kin and just requesting that they go ahead and transfer my call to their Problem Customer Hotline. Did any of these reps ever listen? Nope. Not a one. I'm sure they were acting on policy, but they always insisted on plunging ahead and have me explain the whole lengthy mess of a story to them (which just got longer with each passing representative). Only then would they realize their own powerless nature to resolve my concern and would finally transfer me to the Problem Customer Hotline as I originally asked. A whole lot of my time and their time (i.e. their company's time and money) was repeatedly wasted, which, if any lurkers from Dish or Direct are still reading, would be a fine thing to pass on to the powers that be looking to make improvements.

The Indian operator I eventually spoke with this time was no exception to the above scenario. She went through the standard procedures of helping me, but I knew already that my goal of learning the identity of Dish Dude #2, let alone speaking to him, let alone doing anything about whether or not I could have a dish in the first place, was outside the realm of her power. (So, really, I should have just hung up and tried again.) I had to explain the situation with the 1st, 2nd and 3rd opinions we'd had and how they conflicted. Had to explain it twice, I did, but I was still pretty sure she didn't get it. She then put me on hold for more Indian music, then came back and proved my suspicion right by demonstrating a complete misunderstanding of the situation. I asked if there was any way she could just transfer my call to the local Dish Office in my state, as I suspected they would be better-equipped to help me. Nope. She plunged right on, putting me on hold again while she consulted with superiors.

Meanwhile, Dish Dude #3, had called his own boss at sub-contractor central, who told him it was completely his call to make on the install and he didn’t have to do it. He left our property LONG before the rep came back on to tell me she would be happy to schedule me a second opinion about my dish set up.

“No!” I said, a little louder than maybe I should have. “That’s what I’ve been saying all this time. We’ve already HAD a second opinion. We’ve had three opinions. We’re simply trying to confirm which of the three opinions is correct!”

More hold time and Indian music followed and then the rep came back to say she was going to have to transfer me to another department. Finally!

One transfer later and a different though still distinctly Indian accent came on the line. She immediately asked me to hold while she researched the account.

“Still talking to India,” I whispered to the wife, confident that the rep couldn’t hear me.

“Hang up,” the wife whispered back. She had a point. I should have just hung up then and called back hoping to get a call center in the states, but I thought that would be rude. So I waited, then had to try and explain the situation all over again when the rep came back. The new rep didn’t really understand either and offered to schedule more second opinions. I managed not to lose my shit with her, tried to explain it all again, then spent more time on hold. When she came back, her ultimate solution was to offer to give me phone numbers for some satellite installation companies in my area, in case I wanted one of them to have a go at the job.

“Wait a second,” I said. “I thought I was talking to Dish Network.”

“You are, sir.”

I told her I didn't want other numbers for other satellite installation services. I called Dish Network because I wanted to talk to the people who were directly responsible for installing my system to inquire whether or not they could do the job. Furthermore, if she truly worked for Dish Network, I didn't see why she couldn't simply transfer me to my local central branch so that I could pursue my quest to find out if their area manager was right in the first place. She didn’t know either. Rather than risk becoming more agitated than I already was. I thanked her for her time and hung up the phone--which is what I should have done nearly half an hour earlier.

(TO BE CONCLUDED...)

Monday, February 7, 2011

TFTLM: Dishin' It Up 2.0 (Another Cautionary Tale) Part II

The next day, the Dish Dude arrived to install the new system. He called ahead for directions to the house and then rolled on in, not in the usual Dish Network truck but what looked like a civilian vehicle. I felt kind of sorry for him, as there was something of a cold drizzle falling. Quickly, he delivered some bad news, though. First he announced that the location our old satellite dish was in was no longer good, as it was aimed at non HD/non local-channel satellites.

He scouted out our property, pointing a doohickey at the sky on occasion, before finally announcing we had no line of sight for the three satellites he needed at any point in our back yard. He then revised this to say that he “might” be able to get at least a partial signal from a point in the very middle of our back yard. I explained to him that this would not work, because if I allowed him to install in that spot I’d be the recipient of a dish and a divorce, cause the wife would NOT want a satellite dish in the middle of the yard. I told him we’d have to decline service and look into other options.

“You can get a second opinion, if you want,” he offered. This meant a different technician would come up and have a look, perhaps finding something this man could not. Seemed a long shot to me, but what could it hurt? I gave him the go-ahead to sign us up for the 2nd OP and he departed.

I investigated some of the other local HD programming options available in our area, including our cable company that already provides our phone and internet. They also do HD and DVR service, but while their website listed a whole bunch of channels, the tiers they had them arranged in didn’t make it at all clear which ones I’d actually be receiving. I called them up to ask and they seemed kind of cagey on the topic.

“Well, you’ll get the 75 channels we offer, plus around 15 HD channels,” the rep said.

“Does that include BBC America?” I asked, staring right at that listing on their website.

“Uh, no,” they said. “But we are doing a big upgrade mid-December, so you’ll probably get it then.”

“But your website says BBC America is now,” I said.

“Yeahhhhh, but in mid-December.”

This seemed lame. I also felt guilty about having to ditch Dish Network after all this time, particularly when they were finally offering me networks. Local cable had those too, but they also had fewer than half the channels Dish offered. I decided the second opinion from Dish was my favorite option, but kept cable as a backup.

When I called Dish to ask when the second opinion would happen, they said it would have to be scheduled by the local Dish dispatcher, but would probably occur at the earliest on the following Saturday. So no HD for Thanksgiving. Ah, well.

By the time our Thanksgiving guests arrived, I’d rigged the new TV to receive our current receiver’s signal by running coax cable from the receiver directly to the TV, rather than first through our home theater setup. I then patched audio cable from the TV to the home theater. It worked, but it looked like crap and was far from HD. It would probably have looked better using HDMI cables, but our old Dish receiver didn’t offer that as an option for output. We even tried watching Planet Earth on it, but something in my Jerry rigging made it look less than pristine, too, and it all just pissed me off.

PERSPECTIVE BREAK: Current Death Toll from Australian Flooding = 23.

Saturday and Sunday came, our guests departed, and we'd still had no call from the local Dish dispatcher. On Monday I phoned Dish central back, explained the situation and asked if they had heard anything further about when we would receive our second opinion. The Dish rep on the phone had looked at the notes in our account, seemed confused, and then said, “Oh, I see it here. Yes, I see the order for installation of an HD dish and HD receiver for Tuesday, November 23, between 8 and noon.”

“Uh, November 23 was last week,” I pointed out. The phone rep got quiet, then asked to put me on hold. He came back on the line to explain he was now contacting the local hub to find out what the situation truly was. My impression from his urgent tone was that people on his end of the line were now hell bent on getting this thing solved for me ASAP. And, when he returned, this seemed to be the case, because he said they could have a guy come out that very afternoon. Again, awesome!

The second Dish dude arrived in quick time, calling ahead for directions and pulling up in his sparkly Dish Network official vehicle. (You’ll note this is the second time I’ve mentioned a Dish Dude calling ahead for directions. It’s an important fact to note for foreshadowing purposes.) Dish Dude #2 also had a doohickey and immediately used it to find the same line of sight in the middle of the back yard, exactly where the first guy had. However, he also found some places in the front yard and, intriguingly, on the back part of the roof. The roof option was an option I liked a lot, as it was one that had already been suggested by the wife. Dish Dude #2 said it was not a problem and that the dish could fit right at the edge of our roof and have clear line of sight, winter or summer. When I asked him why the first Dish Dude hadn't been able to see this, he explained that DD#1 worked for a subcontractor satellite installation service and very often if a job seems at all challenging they’ll run the other way and leave it for the official types to clean up. He assured me that the roof mount was not only possible, but would be an easy job. Unfortunately, he couldn’t do the job himself because he was one of their field managers in charge of second opinions, so I’d have to order the installation part from Dish central.

I went in, immediately made the order and they said they’d send someone out on Thursday morning.

(TO BE CONTINUED...)

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Tales from the Lost Months: Dishin' It Up 2.0 (Another Cautionary Tale) Part I

Before I start this, let me just note a few things: As of this writing, Australia is under water, Egypt is boiling over with protest, the nation of Malawi is considering outlawing farts, and famine, death, pestilence and war are ravaging the earth. A lot of shitty things are happening to a lot of people, much of it undeserved, and my paltry, first-world-white-guy problems amount to a tiny fraction of less than nothing in the big scary grand scheme of things. Yet, even in the face of all of the above, I’m still going to adjust my sac and complain about them anyway, cause they pissed me off at the time.

You’re welcome to read on, but please do so knowing that I am fully aware of what a colossal asshat I feel like for whining.


As some of you may know from my previous blog, my experience with satellite television services has been spotty over the past few years. See, we’ve been living in the boonies of a state known for its boonies for 8 or 9 years now. We have relied on Dish Network for our TV service for most of that and continue to be very pleased with them. Granted, we had some issues with satellite service in general, a few years ago, when the gub’mint’ told Dish Network they could no longer hand out access to network satellite feeds like they were cookies at a blood drive, we wound up losing almost all of our network TV access, save for Fox. We even briefly switched to Direct TV (MISTAAAAAAKE!!), who swore they’d be able to get us our networks back, then turned out to be a bunch of damned ass-sucking liars who we had to do mighty battle with for nearly an hour until they finally relented and gave us our money back without any early-disconnect fees. Win one for us and for Dish Network, who welcomed us back like the prodigal son. In short, were very happy being back with Dish Network. We love their DVR (rated one of the best on the market) and find the lack of actual local or distant network channels a small price to pay for the 250 other channels they offer, most of which we don’t watch either, but it’s nice that they’re there.

(So any of you Dish Network internet PR lurkers out there, who may have stumbled on this page after a morning of Googling your employer and are even now about to write me to ask if there's anything you can do, just know that I'm on your side, I'm not calling you out for anything and--SPOILERS--the situation was fully resolved and turns out good for Dish Network as a company in the end. Now, the installation subcontractors and the international call centers you guys tend to employ will be given no quarter from me here, so you might want to pass that much along to your bosses. Oh, and for any DirecTV lurkers reading, your lying company of filthy damned liars still sucks copious amounts of ass. In fact, I hear it's co-starring as the back-5th in Human Centipede 2. You may feel free to pass that along.)

A couple years back, we moved from the home in which the aforementioned adventures occurred to a new one a few counties away and took our Dish Network service with us. Since then, we’ve largely continued our nearly networkless existence without complaint. Sure, we had to watch LOST on ABC’s website and chose to wait for DVD sets of shows like The Office, Pushing Daisies, Scrubs and Community, but this too was not so bad. We still had the Simpsons and new episodes of Family Guy on Fox, so what did we care? Then, a few months back, our Fox disappeared. This too was not Dish Network's fault, as we were getting our distant network Fox service through All American Direct. I went through the usual waiver requests with them, to the tune of $10, but heard nothing and saw no channels return. Our networks, it seemed, were gone for good.

Shortly before Thanksgiving this year, the wife decided we needed a new TV. Our 27 inch JVC tube TV had served us well for most of our marriage, but the 15 plus people who were coming over to our house for Turkey Day were bringing at least 30 pairs of eyes with them and we didn’t want to cause them undue strain. We’ve been threatening to upgrade to an HDTV for a while, but saw no huge reason to rush into it. (Our only real regret for this came when Discovery would re-run Planet Earth--which is a-FRICKIN'-mazing in HD.) Given the go-ahead to proceed with TV purchase, I did my research and scouted one out at Sears.

Now, the story of how it is I finally came to be in possession of this quality television a full week and a half after I had been told it would be ready for me to pick up could be a tale all on its own. However, since it ended with me finally receiving it a day before guests began arriving, I’ll forgo telling it, cause I got no real beef with Sears.

Once in possession of this new 46” LCD wonder, I called Dish Network to see if they could hook me up with HD service before T-Day. Sears told me I could get free HD for life with them, which sounded nice. My expectation was still pretty low on getting it in time for Thanskgiving, cause it usually takes at least a couple of days to send someone out and I was sure I wasn’t the only one trying to sneak in new service before a holiday. However, Dish said that not only could they send someone out to install the HD receiver and dish the following day, but they’d throw in local network channels in HD as well, and indeed waive the usual $10 per month HD fee, giving me HD channels for life. Awesome!

PERSPECTIVE BREAK: current Egyptian riot death toll stands at 125.

(TO BE CONTINUED...)

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Actual Jury Duty: Day 4

When last I was excused from jury duty, they told me to call the jury duty hotline the following day to see when I would next be required. I dutifully called it and my memory of that event is that the recording told me to phone it back on February 2 to find out when my next day of service would be.

At 6 a.m. this morning, I awoke with a shudder. My sleepy brain had processed that memory, but after some cross checking with the memories of the many other times I'd called the hotline was now uncertain if I was supposed to phone the hotline back on February 2 or if I was to turn up for jury in a specific judge's court room on February 2. I tried to suss it out a bit, but my processor's display screen flashed the COFFEE EMPTY warning light and refused to provide a definitive answer. I rolled out of bed, hunted down my cell phone, looked up the number in its memory, then called on the house phone (as my cell phone has remarkably spotty cell service at my house).

The hotline declared that all previous jury group service had been canceled. No surprise there, as that's what it usually says. But then it went on to say that all jury groups were now relieved of duty for this jury term. (Mine was scheduled to end on Feb 4, anyway, but I figured I'd have to serve if they were able to get me on a jury in the next two days.) Our checks, the recording said, would be in the mail soon.

So it looks like I'm free and clear of jury duty for the immediate future. Only cost me a $500 insurance deductible, thanks to my related car accident, and probably a hike in insurance rates.

yay.

i win.