Actual Semi-Paraphrased Telephone Conversations Heard at My House #5

THIS EVENING...

*RING*

ME-- Hello

SHITIBANK TELEMARKETER-- Hello, may I please speak to THE WIFE'S NAME?

ME-- I'm sorry, she's not here now. Can I take a message?

SHITIBANK TELEMARKETER-- No, that's okay. We can call back another time.

ME-- (SMELLING A CREDIT CARD TELEMARKETER) Can I ask what this is in regard to?

SHITIBANK TELEMARKETER-- I'm TELEMARKETER'S NAME with Shitibank and I'm just calling Shitibank Diamond Preferred Cardholders to thank them for being valued customers and--

ME-- (INTERRUPTING) Actually, we no longer have a Shitibank account. You guys dropped us a couple of weeks ago.

SHITIBANK TELEMARKETER-- Ohhhh, we dropped you? I'm so sorry. (PAUSE) Well, I can only speak with the primary account holder. I can give you a toll free phone number to call if you have any questions about this call?

ME-- No, thank you.

SHITIBANK TELEMARKETER-- You have a good evening.

ME-- You, too.

*CLICK*

And this is true. Two weeks back, we received a letter from Citibank alerting us that they were closing our account with them. This came as a bit of a shock to us, being as how there was no reason listed, beyond a general accusatory wording, as though we had somehow used our card in an unacceptable way that offended Citibank deeply. Of course, now that I think about it, I guess we had, since we carry no balance on the card and have not actually used it at all for a couple of years. They tend to favor indebtedness over at Citibank. Still, this was one of the wife's first credit cards of her life and she's had it for the better part of 20 years, with my name being on it for the past nine or so. We wondered if maybe they'd reconsider if we purchased a pack of gum with it and then forgot to pay the bill for a month or so. Nope, turned out there was fine print on our letter stating that no amount of purchasing on our part would change their minds.

That wasn't all our news from the Citi for that day, though. In that same pile of mail, we received a letter from CitiFinancial alerting us to the fact that they were raising our interest rate on a credit account we'd had with them back when we were paying for some furniture we'd purchased. Trouble is, that furniture has been paid off for nearly a year now, so as far as we were concerned we didn't HAVE any other Citi accounts beyond the credit card. Seemed odd that a credit organization would drop clients that weren't costing them any money, even if we weren't actively making them any money either. Weren't we still potential money?

I did a little research online and saw several articles about Citibank dropping customers, sometimes without bothering to inform them. Guess we were lucky, there.


TWO HOURS LATER...

*RING*

THE WIFE-- Hello?

DIFFERENT SHITIBANK TELEMARKETER-- May I speak to THE WIFE'S NAME?

THE WIFE-- This is she.

DIFFERENT SHITIBANK TELEMARKETER-- Good evening. I'm TELEMARKETER'S NAME and I'm calling Shitibank Diamond Preferred Cardholders to thank you for being a valued customer and--

THE WIFE-- (INTERRUPTING) No, I'm sorry, but you can't say we're valued customers when you dropped our account two weeks ago.

DIFFERENT SHITIBANK TELEMARKETER-- Ohhh, you canceled your account with us?

THE WIFE-- No. Shitibank canceled our account with you.

DIFFERENT SHITIBANK TELEMARKETER-- Ohhhh. (PAUSE) Well, I can give you a toll free phone number to call if you have any questions about this call?

THE WIFE-- No, that's all right.

*CLICK*